Enough

I’d sell myself for a cheeseburger and a nap right now, that’s how much enough I have had the last 3 days. If you know me so well you definitely know I am insomniac and that shit isn’t fun at all. It’s my fourth day today and just how much did I sleep cumulatively? less than three hours in four days. Goodness! I just can’t calm down and I don’t know what’s going on. I have been on the move but I don’t know doing what exactly.

I feel like hibernating for a while this week. I have just worked for less an hour and my concentration left an hour ago I guess and I just feel like a zombie. I have been having panic attacks on and off and I feel like consulting the gods if I get an idea how to do it. I’m too anxious for, I don’t know what, something just happen anyhow I wont mind.

Anyways, I have been working on one of the things I have always wanted to do in life (call it one of my dreams) and unfortunately there are lots of uncertainties due to the pandemic (Covid 19) and it just sucks because I’m stuck and almost tired but I’m not giving up on that one unless I’m ready to die ( not anytime soon) and I cant wait to announce the move right here soon (smiles shyly). However, I’m tired of a number of things and I want to direct my wrath to them for the sake of my soul and some sleep tonight.

I’m so tired of explaining myself to both strangers and people I have known all my life. Leave me alone please. Enough of the inspection and follow ups on me please, I can no longer paint my little dimpled smile on my face. I have had enough of me trying to be neutral to all parties and being considerate of every situation and action from wicked and selfish people.

Enough of me not being enough to anything and constantly failing to meet all of their expectations. I’m almost tired of all the ‘perfect’ acts. I’m now ready for criticism, hate and all the shade they be throwing at people who have had enough.

Who am I answerable to? why am the one who carries the guilt where we both failed? Cant I correct my earlier mistake by quitting the project or calling it off with no explanations? Can I also have the freedom to choose another path when I realize the other one is headed in the wrong direction? I want to look back and see me Not a thousand faces covering every event and decisions I got to make.

I hate blame games and I actually decided to take responsibility of my every little actions and so far, so good. I can’t be sipping wine like whiskey just because I don’t have the right sitting posture and nothing looks interesting right now. I’m tired of typing too tonight. Someone help me hibernate and watch the earth at an angle because I need to come back and be me whatsoever. Ultimately I must do well and do good simultaneously.

I’M TIRED

cheers!!

Miss curiosity.