Friendship gone wrong?

How do you keep yourself from feeling hurt when your best friend stops talking to you? What can you do to express yourself without feeling like the victim from the failed relationship? Keeping in mind you shouldn’t let others dictate your happiness it really does hurt when someone you trusted changes.

It all ended into ghosting shortly after she lended her a few coins. Those two had been very close friends for over five years just right from the first day they met at a queue while on the process of getting admitted to the university. They just clicked and everything seemed working for the two; same course, same hostel, same taste of games and even created same habits over time. The love and trust kept growing over time, event after event, the fun and laughter especially the nights they didnt sleep gossiping and laughing at silly jokes. The crazy things they did in the name of experimenting and enjoying the freedom that comes with being an adult.

I havent talked about the truths and dares, their crazy bucket lists and for once serious stuff like sharing project ideas, reading together or maybe helping each other submit their assigments and CAT papers or still signing both names on attendance lists even when the other was present in the room. After all the registration numbers, Identification and the signatures were at each others’ fingerprints.

All these are the memories that make her almost hate the ‘best friend” but actually she cant. What is this that changes so much to an extent someone you almost trusted with your life becomes someone you are afraid they might be planning for your downfall or almost be sure they never cared a bit while you were busy serving them your life?

It’s eight months since they talked and laughed like before but she isnt completely over her yet. Life and love are unfair that I know. “I didn’t do anything wrong to her, I was there for her when she needed me most, if she cared she will come back, if she didnt time will heal the pain” I could also say the same cause life is sweet when you are giving more and not expecting the same from people. It’s kind of bearable for me loving someone and not be loved back than the vice versa. Ego is something we all ought to have for the sake of our peace sometimes.

Its pretty hard and probably impossible to avoid pain from that cold treatment because she had a true connection with her, dont think its “dictating“. A decision to get over it is likely to hurt her and change her but the more maturely she responds, I guess the better person she will become.

I know I ask a lot of questions without answers but I know a thing about this situation, if they suddenly stop talking to you simply stop thinking about it as much as possible. The less you give your thought, the less room for emotion and pain. You could even pretend it never happened while having it at the back of your mind (the torture is less).

Be patient and try to find other connections with other people cause people come into your for a reason and leave for a reason. You will definitely find better friends and this time lifetime friends. Remember to love yourself more than anyone else and can you also keep in mind the Friendship paradox (your friends are more likely to have more friends than you).

I can also be your friend if they ditch you I’m right here.

Yours,

Miss Curiosity.

Breathe

What do people get by the words “we are all equal”? I’m looking at people my age who have accomplished things that my Parents haven’t in their old age. I’m also looking at people in their half lifes who haven’t accomplished a thing in their lives. What brings this whole difference is probably the mystery of life and I’m not about to answer cause I absolutely got no answer too.

I dont so much believe in hardwork (sorry) but I’m sure if we all worked hard equally we still wouldnt be equal so can you take a deep breathe and just do your best. There is a lot of pressure in becoming successful (measured by your own understanding) especially among the millenials and we forget to actually be sure of what we want to succeed in or how to go about it. I’m saying it again we all cannot be equal but maybe we can have equal chances at different times, get it right.

There are a lot of factors that define us, we are all different and it is measurable. I mean, have you ever been with friends your age who spend money like drug dealers? Appetizers, bottomless mimosas, adding guacamole and everything and then also spent time with friends who stay hungry for over 24 hours to afford one meal the next day? Breathe, darling that’s them find a purpose and an interesting one, own it, value it, enjoy it and keep making it better for you. That, will define you.

Yours,

Miss Curiosity

Confusion

It’s not insomnia tonight, it’s more of confusion.

Thanks for stopping by my name is Miss Curiosity and I’m always on the keyboard expressing myself to myself and others. If you have noticed there are a little changes to my blog simply because I was trying to refocus my mind. Of late I have a thousand thoughts about a single thing and only two answers to each (positive and negative) hoping this was a positive one.

Been wondering, do you all jot down your to do lists every day before going to bed or my memory is too blunt to remember what I wanted to do the following day? or maybe to make it easier do you do plans on a weekly, monthly or daily basis? what if plans change, do you remember to switch to the new plan or a lot is left pending after attending an impromptu agenda?

It’s quite a confusion for me. I haven’t been employed for some time now I have been running my businesses and it somehow has been freestyle because I am my own boss. It is also not a good thing cause I miss going to work for a whole week and everything seems okay leaving me thinking maybe I’m doing less of what I should be doing or my co-workers are super cool. Anyway the past one month I have been trying to work a little extra for my upcoming business and at the same time there is an opportunity for me in one of the statutory bodies which I have always wanted to work with so I have been chasing that too. I jot down my to do list and cancel it like thrice everyday. I’m at a point where I have to write down ‘4. Buy food for dinner‘ because I have literally slept hungry because I didn’t know my fridge only had ice cubes.

I sleep with a well written to do list only to wake up and change the whole plan just because someone left a message while going to bed at 3.00 AM and I’m the one in need here so I have to.

Is it worth it though?

I’m also having a dilemma, between the job, my current business and my upcoming business, which is more important? I honestly feel like at the end I’m going to sacrifice one, if not completely (at the moment) it will definitely be affected greatly. I’m so passionate about all and I feel so ‘selfish’ not accepting I’m one person trying everything at the same time which is kind of tough.

“What does overtime even mean?” I really need extra hours a day just to feel safe and ahead of my own capacity if that makes sense. Life can be overwhelming and 2020 seems not to care at all. Can you who used to tell me I’m a strong woman come and tell me it means I can be like three people in one person in terms of what I can do? Mmh! I’m always full of questions with no answers but don’t worry it’s exactly who I am that’s why I fight with my keyboard to an extent I type a whole post and delete or post and pull it down immediately.

Guess what, I have just remembered I did this post ‘Are you too skeptical‘ and the whole point was I can defy all odds I only need hope and a little confidence in myself. If you haven’t read please click on the link below and check it out.

https://wwwruthogutu.design.blog/2020/07/09/are-you-too-skeptical/

It’s midnight my time goodnight, no insomnia today.

Liking my post is a mark that you came across it while on your busy and serious business online. let me know

cheers!

‘Dip’ thoughts

Thanks for stopping by, being a lazy day I just want to remind you something.

Do whatever you want, break rules, get embarrassed, flip tables, love, hate, you can even scream loudly for no apparent reason or go back and forth in no direction if that makes sense,,, because at the end of it all, you are just a speck of dust to life.

Miss curiosity.

Current situation 1

I am happy, really happy, super excited. Who doesn’t want the fulfillment of being responsible and in control.

That’s my current situation but guess what? Nothing is working out perfectly except that I am happy this time cause I feel in control Huh! Of late I’m walking head high kind of I know the final results and if I dont atleast I’m anticipating for the best.

Long story short, I’m smiling hard and I can’t wait to actually prove I’m right about this feeling. I even gave my myself a pep talk this morning and I was like yeah!!! Go! Go! Go! That’s it, that’s all you need, don’t lose it

BE HAPPY

Enough

I’d sell myself for a cheeseburger and a nap right now, that’s how much enough I have had the last 3 days. If you know me so well you definitely know I am insomniac and that shit isn’t fun at all. It’s my fourth day today and just how much did I sleep cumulatively? less than three hours in four days. Goodness! I just calm down and I don’t know what’s going on. I have been on the move but I don’t know doing what.

I feel like hibernating for a while this week I have just worked for less an hour and my concentration left an hour ago I guess and I just feel like a zombie. I have been having panic attacks on and off and I feel like consulting the gods if I get an idea how to do it. I’m too anxious for I don’t know what, something just happen anyhow I wont mind.

Anyways, I have been working on one of the things I have always wanted to do in life (call it one of my dreams) and unfortunately there are lots of uncertainties due to the pandemic (Covid 19) and it just sucks because I’m stuck and almost tired but I’m not giving up on that one unless I’m ready to die ( not anytime soon) and I cant wait to announce the move right here soon (smiles shyly). However, I’m tired of a number of things and I want to direct my wrath to them for the sake of my soul and some sleep tonight.

I’m so tired of explaining myself to both strangers and people I have known all my life, leave me alone please. Enough of the inspection and follow ups on me please, I can no longer paint my little dimpled smile on my face. I have had enough of me trying to be neutral to all parties and being considerate of every situation and action from wicked and selfish people.

Enough of me not being enough to anything and constantly failing to meet all of their expectations. I’m almost tired of all the ‘perfect’ acts. I’m now ready for criticism, hate and all the shade they be throwing at people who have had enough.

Who am I answerable to? why am the one who carries the guilt where we both failed? Cant I correct my earlier mistake by quitting the project or calling it off with no explanations? Can I also have the freedom to choose another path when I realize the other one is headed in the wrong direction? I want to look back and see me not a thousand faces covering every event and decisions I got to make.

I hate blame games and I actually decided to take responsibility of my every little actions and so far, so good. I can’t be sipping wine like whiskey just because I don’t have the right sitting posture and nothing looks interesting right now. I’m tired of typing too tonight. Someone help me hibernate and watch the earth at an angle because I need to come back and be me whatsoever. Ultimately I must do well and do good simultaneously.

I’M TIRED

cheers!!

Miss curiosity.

Are you too skeptical?

Thank you for stopping by and making this girl a little confident.

I have been on my computer the whole day searching and reading funny things like I always do until this unconfident feeling popped up and thought I should talk to a few of us who might be having this kind of feeling.

Did you know everyone has problems and as long as you are focused you definitely have to worry about them? yes I thought so.

It is absolutely okay not to be okay, it is very normal to worry and feel you are not enough even to your own self and it is by no means a way to feel embarrassed. Recently I went to visit a friend who was hospitalized over a ‘scary’ condition and as we conversed I could see she didn’t know how to react to the condition at the moment.’What next? how do I fix my feelings?should I give up?’ etc questions were written all over her face and I felt disturbed by how she felt she is the only human who didn’t have a single answer to something she ought( according to her) to have had a solid plan and well organised thoughts about. I’m not sure I helped a little by what I said, but I know it is okay to have no idea and she was acting normal. It is only wrong to think you are alone.

There is this thing we should walk with; hope and a little self confidence in oneself. I somehow believe with the two even if things are not working out or are falling apart you will have a little energy to push several more times.

No one has a smooth life, everyone struggles and not all of us know how to deal with them and that is absolutely okay. Can you also keep it in mind that everyone has a chance to make their lives better? You can definitely defy on the odds, you are different and you’ve got your own strengths. Keep your head high and face each situation with calmness and a little confidence.

To all skeptical souls, successful people look like you.

Miss curiosity.

How much do you know about procrastination

I’m literally the best version of my own best friend, I talk to myself in all tones, warn or congratulate myself, share inside jokes with myself and laugh out loud, I mean, I literally act like I am two persons within me. It’s been raining the whole night here and I woke up to a very ‘ugly’ weather out there and talked to my friend within me told her she doesn’t have to face it I can still be productive at home (watching series, write something, clean up my space and stare at the world from my window).

Have you ever sat down to perform some task and suddenly found yourself checking if the dog is fed, what series in new on netflix, who is live on instagram or stand up to dust your kitchen surfaces and end up not finishing your task? I don’t know about you but I have always postponed a number of things including my dream. Are you comfortable realizing that this is failure of self regulation?

Well, the only thing I haven’t mentioned is that I had a plan for today which obviously has been postponed and this got me thinking how much do I really know about PROCRASTINATING. Most of us postpone or avoid tasks intentionally for hopefully good reasons like you are not sure, need more information or fear making mistakes which can be avoided by buying more time or you are ready to face the negative consequences rather than doing what you are uncomfortable with, but how about when these intentional delays become habitual? This is a common human experience which includes even putting off salient tasks that may cost us a lifetime.However, to some extent it is normal to procrastinate especially because you will prioritize less time consuming or easier tasks on truly valued tasks which involves a lot of research and decision making.

Anxiety is my major reason for procrastinating. Damn!! that thing literally makes me stop thinking and as the deadline for the task gets closer I get stressed and mostly procrastinate further to avoid this stress. Good thing I know I’m not alone and I still know that that doesn’t make me right. However, anxiety will cause people to delay only if they are not impulsive and therefore if we are on the team trying to stop procrastinating impulsiveness should be our focus.

Cognitive dissonance is another reason why people procrastinate where we are constantly seeking internal psychological consistency by reducing the contradiction triggered by our personal beliefs and the perceived new information about a task or plan. Other people procrastinate because they are perfectionists and keep on criticizing their work, have plenty of time or just for fun where the procrastinator would rather be doing anything fun except that one dreaded task.

I should be allowed (by who though?) to say as simple as the word might sound it is a mysterious force that keeps people from completing urgent and important tasks in their lives for no compelling reasons and may bring adverse effects to us in this generation where the world is so competitive and every missed opportunity is actually lost due to high demand. We need to be impulsive and better decision makers when it comes to things that really matter to us like academic assignments, appointments, important meetings, health related matters, opportunities etc. While your peers are progressing, prolonged procrastination can lead to procrastinators going through social stigma as a result of the belief that task-aversion is caused by laziness, lack of willpower or low ambition. In turn, this may lead to severe negative impacts such as depression, low self esteem and insomnia.

Good news is that you can reduce procrastination by being aware of your habits that make you to postpone tasks, better time management, self evaluation by understanding your strengths and weaknesses, discipline, setting realistic goals and tackling tasks in bits that are manageable to you keeping time in mind.

I would like you to check something quite interesting about procrastination by Tim Urban (master procrastinator), who runs the blog Wait But Why. He created a comic with Simpsons explaining inside the brain of a procrastinator here http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html and also gave a TED Talk https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_urban_inside_the_mind_of_a_master_procrastinator?language=en where he talks about how he did not begin writing a thesis until 72 hours before it was due.

“So the weather became beautiful huh!” my best friend is asking cause I’m headed out to start it.

Procrastination is the thief of time; year after year it steals until all are fled.

Edward Young, Night thoughts on Life, Death and Immortality I, 1, 393

Miss curiosity.

Perturbator 1

I am insomniac but I didn’t sleep last night this time not the normal insomnia but because something has been disturbing my mind the whole night. I had a meeting yesterday very early in the morning and at around mid day my colleagues suggested we visit some places since the day was still young and we didn’t have a lot to do. We happened to pass by some valley which is one and half hours away from my home town in the neighboring county. At first I thought there was some nice game or maybe something like magicians performing because of the cheers and laughter that took charge of the crowd.

Damn! I didn’t see that see coming and ostensibly this is something that has been going on for quite sometime now but to me it is unbelievable and so damn risky to even think about. There was a couple of young men who with some instructions were jumping off a bridge and some very scary cliff (kind of bungee jumping thing) into murky waters with scary rocks on both sides. It’s been raining heavily of late and the valley was filled with furious water making a lot of noise as it streamed down. What scared me more is the fact that those guys weren’t in any protective gears and the place is said to have crocodiles not forgetting the rocks and logs of trees. Once they jumped into the water they didn’t have a proper exit, they struggled their way out and it took about five minutes to see the person emerge from the water.

I almost went numb during and after the experience and I was left with a thousand questions and only one possible answer as much I don’t want to ignore the fact that I fear heights.

Are those guys trained to perform such a risk? how is the training? I mean,, how ready should I be to do it for the first time?

Do they actually know the risk involved? if yes do they really care?

Is it legal or accepted by the society in any way? are there set rules or guidelines for those guys performing?

How much do they earn daily or monthly and is it worth it?

Is that a talent, interest, dare or something scary in peoples bucket lists?

The videos kept replaying in my mind so vividly that I’m almost convinced I should go back once I’m over it to get all these answers from the men themselves ( apparently I didn’t see any lady performing and I hope it doesn’t happen). Could this be a desperate act due to lack of jobs and income sources to the youth? My questions continues. With the current economic status in the country where I live a lot is going on especially among the youth. Most of us are forced to do jobs that we don’t even support the thought of doing it just for survival. and this could be it. As I was talking to my friend over phone last night I couldn’t help but share the experience. Calming thing thing is that he had also had a chance to see it late last year and wasn’t scared as much as I was but was equally worried.

Could people be living for today? Is the economy so bad that risk and life don’t fit in once sentence anymore? Is that the courage I’m maybe needed to have to conquer some things on this planet?

I don’t know and really don’t care about the general feeling of the public but fuck bravery, fame and money if you’ll have to keep on trying to die a number of times each day. It is not worth it I promise. At my age I have learnt a lot including risk taking but I believe life is all about having the hope and a reason to wake up tomorrow. Share your thoughts.

Yours,

Misscuriosity.

Things that annoy me

I took a break from writing because something bad happened and I couldn’t get a minute to write but I’m back hope you all missed me.

Before I pen down the long list of things that I consider annoying I’m already annoyed because I woke up excited today did my morning routine and attended a successful appointment. on my way back just opposite where I stay I decided to have my car washed but fuck! on alighting I dropped my my beautiful, beautiful A50 which I really treasure and broke the screen if you know how painful that feels. What the fudge! I left almost crying but there is nothing much I could do I just thought it is the perfect day to write about the things that suck.

  1. People who are always in your inbox writing hey, hi, how are you everyday three times a day, whole week, through the month. Come on! It’s not like I don’t appreciate people who are concerned about my well being but hey! check our relationship and give me time to attend to other important things after all the answer is always I’m okay even when I’m not so cut down the crap and do genuine and reasonable checking ins on people.
  2. Lack of Etiquette. what does it cost to show conventional decorum and just being polite? You can still raise yourself up if you missed those codes of polite social life by practicing them. It is not hard at all I promise. I believe etiquette makes us human enough and EVERYBODY needs it. Incase you are wondering what are those petty things that are stressing me they include; I’m sorry, excuse me, Please, thank you etc.
  3. I get so annoyed when people line up in long queues only to reach at the service point then start deciding what they wanted. Honestly what could you be busy thinking all that long until you forget you are standing for something just go back and come back prepared queues suck too.
  4. This one is kinda funny but sucks. Those people who make loud calls in public what’s usually your point? cant those calls wait if you have no lower tone than that?. Shortly before the pandemic I happened to be at an airport and witnessed some guy dragged by security because he was shouting on phone and heading the opposite direction from the rest of the crowd. Trust me the guys had not committed any crime but the behaviour was suspicious. No on is interested in your conversation or want to be involved keep it private please
  5. People who don’t rinse off the bathroom after use. How the hell do you leave a bathroom with hair all over or foam on walls and feel clean yourself, who raised you human? it is totally disgusting and so uncomfortable for the next user for hygiene sake.
  6. Can we also talk about how people don’t find it necessary letting a door close slowly or hold a door for a second for the next person when they are so close. Damn! it sucks slamming doors and worse doing it when the person behind you is two steps away. Please!
  7. As a host I would also like to advice you to keep your comments while in someones house if they aren’t compliments or positive comments. They annoy and are absolutely unnecessary I promise. Everyone has their own rules, liking and procedures at their houses.
  8. Back to phones now that we use them all the time It doesn’t make sense leaving someone over 10 missed calls within hours or a day. If the person wants to call back be sure one or two missed calls will be seen. Thanks
  9. People who show a lot of intimacy and affection to their partners in public I’m not sure I come from a rural set up but I don’t find it something pleasant. There is some word called privacy and I think such things fit in there. We have kids and non-interested people watching you kindly save it for later.
  10. This one I also do sometimes but sorry I shouldn’t cause it annoys.While having a conversation it is rude and it sucks interrupting without excusing yourself. In addition to that it doesn’t feel right completing peoples sentences unless the speaker gives room for that. let people express themselves fully and in their own way. Thanks.

I know my list could go on and on but let me leave it at that for today.

Yours Miss Curiosity,

cheers!