Sleep is such a luxury -an insomniac explains

“The creak of bed springs suffering under the weight of a restless man is as lonely a sound as I know.”
― Patrick deWitt,

You all go to bed when it’s time to sleep and fall asleep. Easy right? what a fictional love story that would make for someone who has forgotten how to sleep.

My mind works the night shifts and I just came to terms that the monsters live in my head and not under my bed or in my house. After turning, tossing and flopping for over a year I created a pattern that I’m always trying to break unsuccessfully.

I’d have better blogged this from the professional point of view if only I had tried it but I’m yet to accept that I can’t discuss with my mind and agree about sleeping. It’s the same reason I stopped taking my pills. I am insomniac that’s for sure and I’d like to enjoy your company tonight as we walk through my night.

There is nostalgia at around 10:00 pm because I’m normally so tired from the day’s activities and the thought of tomorrow’s is also clicking in so I really wish I was 11 so I could just put off the lights and the next thing I’ll see is the morning sun rays.

10:30 pm. Yes there is hope and chance clearly because my eyelids are so heavy I’m just missing someone to hold onto maybe. So I walk to bed, set an alarm, get under the sheets, take a deep breathe, close my eyes and sleep? No, I start my night shift.

11:00 pm. I turn, cover myself properly again and assume I’m falling asleep.

I can clearly hear people talking and vehicles moving outside of the apartment where I live at 11:15 Pm so I’m still up. I open my eyes to see how much darkness is in my room or if I should consider buying thicker curtains because the light in here could be the reason I’m awake.

11:45 pm. I start meditating. They said it is important to meditate before falling asleep. I somehow love this part because hey! after my normal and real life events and situations, I visit countries, beautiful places with the most interesting sceneries, I start successful projects and businesses and sometimes I lose it all, I become this influential beautiful lady in the world. I haven’t witnessed this big beautiful wedding before, I mean, I was such a princess and I married this one mysterious guy who got everyone talking about us. I also walk through a forest full of dinosaurs, chimpanzees, warthogs and snakes which has no end. I get lost into a desert full of sand dunes that I cant open my eyes so I keep walking for thousands of miles and the next event is that I’m drowning and there is no one to help me. ‘What the hell is this’? I yell at my mind and oh! my eyes have been open clearly that wasn’t dreaming. I have just wasted over an hour thinking I can’t explain what.

1:00 pm It is, seems I’m not going to sleep tonight again. I get hold of my phone, go through my social apps and it is always disappointing because I’m always updated there is nothing new. Professionals warn us against using mobile phones an hour before bed maybe that’s why I don’t sleep because I can only not use it once I’m in bed and worse I have just used it at midnight. ‘I will rectify this’ says the frustrated me as I scroll the phone and open my samsung health app; mindfulness and play a sleep story.

1:15 pm I’m not even following I lost concentration immediately Tamara Levitt ( favourite calm stories narrator) said ‘take a deep breathe, relax and feel your bed’. I’m now fighting to sleep I’m not in the mood to soothe my bed because If I fail at this trick that I’m thinking, all is lost. I’m about 4 hours away from the time I wake up.

2:00 pm. Loneliness clicks in, the bed is now cold and I’m also hungry I haven’t eaten since yesterday you know. I tiptoe and grab a snack or warm tea so I dont freeze and fail to sleep (There is some little hope left in me).

2:45 pm. At this point my bones are aching I feel a little headache and I can possibly feel the shape of my skeleton.I am in deep trouble but to avoid thinking I grab a book. Oh! I love reading but definitely not at this hour. The usual questions follow; why me? why most days? what did I do to deserve this? I thought sleep is a reflex and needs to happen effortlessly so why am I working for it? Anyway I read 3 pages and it’s actually interesting before I start overthinking like why does ‘a fat chance’ and a ‘slim chance’ mean the same thing. Why would Russians say “It isn’t sleeping to me instead of “I can’t sleep”? I obviously don’t have the answers.

3:35 pm. I check the time and just close my eyes to rest as I wait for my alarm because it’s sure going off in two hours and a few minutes to come. I’m in terms with the fact that this was just another night like the many gone nights and I’m ready to write it off,

5:58 pm. Two minutes before my alarm goes off I’m up and I cant remember what happened since the last time I checked time and hope I was asleep then. That’s kind of satisfying and I can face my day hoping for a better night next time.

Whether sleep onset insomnia or sleep maintenance insomnia, insomnia is a special kind of torture which you can only hope that the vicious circle is cut some someday.

Thanks for stopping by

INSOMNIACBLUEISHLIFE it is.

Please Cry

While society callously considers shedding tears to be a sign of weakness, it is my sign of acknowledging the experiences and showing highly evolved behaviours. I miss crying. It’s been two days and I’m worried something unusual must be happening to me. Call me a cry baby I could be one and I cry for no particular reasons sometimes

I understand most people cry to express sorrow and frustration but here I am and thanks for stopping by to meet #MissCuriosity who cries to express almost all emotions.

From my journey on the internet streets search I learnt that from when one is born, crying is an attachment behaviour and so now you know how to get attached to me right? Go ahead have a good cry darling let’s do this.

I’m a very joyous person if I could evaluate myself and laughing is one of my habits. (So you don’t think I’m depressed) No, crying actually prevents depression. I laugh untill I cry.

Why I’m recruiting you into this cry team;

If you’re feeling blue, crying is a way to let those around you know you’re in need of support.

It is the fastest way to move on and be happy. Simply cry if someone or something messes up with your feelings. Easy!! You are happy now.

It keeps people closer. If you’re feeling like your partner wants to quit the relationship hug and hold them close. Cry letting those tears drop on their shoulders and don’t thank me, pay me please. No man will walk with stains of tears on their shirts and that’s it he isn’t going anywhere. Yes you won sis🙂.

Crying in reponse to something that makes you happy is also very important because it helps your body relax and feel the connection to the event or thing.

It helps detoxify the body, self soothe and improves sleep. A tip it should be.

cry before bed each day for a goodnight rest’ ~ INSOMNIACBLUEISHLIFE

It dulls pain, relieves stress, calms you down and improves your mood by releasing hormone oxytocin which is a feel good hormone.

Lowers your blood pressure and pulse rate allowing you to embrace your emotions and humanity as it serves as a social function.

The next time you don’t have a reason to cry just cry for the well being of your body and mind. It’s therapeutic. Don’t shy from shedding tears if you feel the need to release some.

NO ONE: I believe that a womans crying is so powerful to get a man to do the things you want him to do that arguing will never accomplish.

#INSOMNIACBLUEISHLIFE:😭😭 (Starts crying)

Have a good cry. #staysafe and #stayhealthy. Cheers!!

Born Out of Curiosity?

I missed you all.

“She is all class”.I took my free time this week to read Notorious RBG: The Life and Times of Ruth Bader Ginsburg by Irin Carmon & Shana Knizhnik. I’m not an American nor a feminist but I’m celebrating this very adorable woman who passed away due to complications from metastatic pancreas cancer. She is a whole written beautiful history because of what she accomplished in her life and what she stood for and I couldn’t afford not to say May she rest in peace.

Sorry for the poor quality photo I didn’t know I was gonna use it. Hoping the rest are better now that I got them from the internet.

📷 Like what you see?

🔍This place is so dry…..

🔎One sand dune is pretty much like the other sand dune right?

My desktop at work displayed this questions on the screen I guess by the set wallpaper today morning when I arrived.

I was a bit late and needed to get down to business immediately but they captured my attention and for some minutes I tried to answer them.

Like what you see? YES, Absolutely (1) I have beautiful and amazing colleagues, (2) my desk is clean, well arranged and beautifully lighted with a view, (3) I love sand dune pictures and this on the screen is beautiful,(4) Being a Friday everyone is wearing a smile and they’re casually dressed. I’m seeing a lot of stylish clothes and clothing brands represented and Yes (5) I just saw less documents to sort out today.

This place is so dry… Absolutely, If you know me then you know I love plants, wall paintings/ art and or decorations. Sad that there is none at my work place and it is so ‘dry’. Only one house plant at the reception. We have a few trees outside with some grass which cannot be maintained for obvias reasons; people are allowed to step on it and these are public offices. Most part of the compound is also concrete floored.

I cannot forget to mention how more dry it is when the water dispenser in our office ran dry on Tuesday and it hasn’t been refilled three days later. I just noticed all of us in that office drink a lot of water. By 12 Noon our water bottles are empty and we are all walking into different office spaces in search of water. These three days have been such a ‘dry season’ for us.

One sand dune is pretty much like the other sand dune right? Damn right! If my Geography teacher did a good job these eye-catching land masses are only formed if certain conditions are met and every sand dune is formed as a result of the interaction between the wind and soil in the form of sand grains. Right? Right. Miss Y is actually smiling right back because it’s tea time and we are almost half the day😉😉. How sweet ending the week this week!

Liking #INSOMNIACBLUEISHLIFE? 😉 Thank you.

Cheers!!

PERSON-AH!!-LITIES

I specifically want to point out these three types of humans. A’aght? “Judy did you just make faces”? I know, I know it’s totally unpleasant to have them around but they’re always there in our everyday lives.

So some human somewhere cannot accept facts, they deny and write off everything as nothing just to stay on their own track. They constantly mock,make fun of and look down upon peoples features and or talents. The insecure person

There is this one that had the universe lose direction and is now completely orbiting around them. The self-centered human creatures will think everything is wrong with everyone else and the world in general. For ‘consideration’s sake’ if that exists Would you stop and consider maybe you might be wrong in how you feel or think? No, the world will come to a stop or slip off the orbit (thinks the human).

Oh! Hello the masterminds of deception? You always get away with it right? right. I mean, this human is so ‘respectable’ as they present themselves, but the real thing is they are sly and cunning. The self presentation is usually a facade to make you confortable but they have a ‘plan’. The manipulative person does something nice for someone but uses it against them later on.

They just get in for them and them alone either by the ‘foot-in the door’ or ‘door-in the face’ technique. Either has to work.

NO ONE:Everyone has a toxic trait which sometimes becomes their personalities if overlooked.

#INSOMNIACBLUEISHLIFE: Is it? Where are you from? who raised you? Cut that crap out. There is zero excuses for toxic characters.

It’s a free, social world and having some sense of humanity is very crucial I promise.

Cheers,

If you need to hear something nice here it is; you are doing absolutely great hold on, you are just right about there.

Miss Curiosity

‘Positive Thinking’

Good day, I never live by the theory of ‘Positive Thinking’. To live with Positive Thinking, is to live with unreal and delusional expectations that everything in life can be measured to how one idealises, without deliberating that one is not in control of anything outside of oneself. It sets a person up for a very high and hard fall whenever this ‘Positive Thinking’ fails to achieve the desired result.


It also perpetually leads to repeated errors, irresponsibility, poor judgement and calamity because everything negative is merely ignored and shut away as though it doesn’t exist. By shutting the negative side to life off, people find themselves caught in the Negative far more than they are in the Positive.

By never acknowledging and embracing that there is always a Negative side to Positive, one cannot establish the route to Positive without first learning why something is Negative in the first place and why it gives meaning to what is Positive, and why it is more valuable for us to be orientated towards Positive, for to ignore it means that anyone can mistake something Negative for being Positive, and confuse them until they lose all grasp on what is right and what is wrong. Eventually they find out when they’ve run themselves in to a dark rut for which it is remarkably difficult to climb out, if it hasn’t already destroyed itself.


The way to live is to be in the middle of them both. Equalised. To sit in the neutral position, but with a focus to be Positive. In other words, being Neutral-Positive.
If you can see the Negatives and know they exist, then one can tally, think, deliberate and ruminate about their values and come to a logical conclusion as to what desired decision and best course to take to reach a goal with the least amount of Negative resistance, calamity or obstruction but also, be prepared for when it does happen because the Negatives have been evaluated and recognised.

Change your thoughts and you can change your world.” –Norman Vincent Peale

Small Things!

I’m about to go to bed but I just came across a post on Quora spaces -‘life is beautiful‘ posted by Rupam Gupta and I wanna share it with you to make sure no one feels like they have lesser chances in life.

Great things and small things. I dont know what that is supposed to mean anyway but fix it in your own world and words.

I know, I know, I actually saw you nodding. Let’s do it

Your fav #insomniacblueishlife

Ooh weather

Rainy days are therapeutical and a total bliss to me except for when it leaves hours of coldness long after its gone. From where I come from we dont have the summer and winter seasons as in the tropics but seems we are getting a taste of one of them.

We’ve been experiencing a very cold weather over the past few days and a lot of people are joking around it as our new “winter”. If you love laughing like me I know you have probably encountered those memes in most of the social apps. Just to make it more clear I love laughing at jokes and memes so much that I could probably laugh at an unexpected place if I happened to read one. My sense of humor is so high and I really love that about myself cause I’m mostly alone and that makes my time worthwhile.

Apparently weather affects my moods alot and so of late my mood is heightened a lot when it comes to happiness. I’m also sleepy all the time.

Talk of new normals now that the pandemic( Covid 19) led us into one mine currently is an interesting one. I stopped cooking I’m now a friend to all the food plugs and especially those that deliver to door steps thanks to technology that introduced us to food apps. On normal days I arrive home slightly before 7pm, carry out my normal evening routine which includes making coffee of course, jump on the couch or get in bed and turn on my headphones, plug them and netflix? No, I dont have enough time for movies and series I left that for weekends. I get to YouTube for comedy and social media specifically for memes- the reason I love Pinterest most (not an Ad).

I can assure you it’s totally normal and fun laughing alone and I really don’t wanna outgrow this habit. My life would be more than just boring I know. I’m loving the rainy days, cold nights and chilly mornings mmh! Being in sheets and dressed like a NASA agent who’s just about to go to the moon is getting me excited and has somehow reduced insomnia. I think I only need to deal with anxiety now and I can have a complete good night sleep.

My mom used to force us to go to bed and complain when we wake up early and I can only wish this could happen again but damn!! I no longer need alarms to wake me up infact if I set one I wake up before it goes off. Being in sheets is my ultimate goal of the day lately, I just belong to the sheets and this feeling is close to that of love(winks) because it completely curves my emotions.

I just belong to the sheets and I’m looking forward to tonight because its a date and I’m not about to even think of turning it down. Break ups aren’t healthy.

May our winter continue.

Yours,

Miss Curiosity

LIFE CARD III #20 Truths everyone should realize and accept in life.

  1. Nothing is permanent in life.
  2. You should only continue a job or business if you find a growth factor in it, otherwise leave it.
  3. Travelling will give you a chance to learn a lot new things, try to travel often.
  4. You have to deal with your own issues, it is no ones concern.
  5. Talk less, listen more, be logical and be specific if you want to grow.
  6. Your parents are the only persons who truly love you.
  7. Always work to your fullest because hard work hardly fails and if does you have nothing to regret about.
  8. Make it a habit to expect nothing from anyone because it will never disappoint.
  9. For various reasons, you might fail in areas you have interests, talent and or ambition.
  10. People will only like you if you align with them socially, politically, morally or religiously.
  11. Every girl loves a gentle, caring, entertaining and stable guy.
  12. People will forever judge you for your personal choices and most of them won’t like you for unclear reasons.
  13. Contrary to the wishes and expectations relationships and marriage can be a lonely, loveless, cruel trap and bitter experience.
  14. Life solves itself for people who can understand and incorporate it because it is layered in stages .
  15. Real happiness comes from within a person and nothing visible. however small a thing might sound if it makes you happy do it more often.
  16. Most people would rather take a path that is convenient than a path that’s economically viable.
  17. Seeing a doctor might wreck havoc on your body, sometimes you need to find other options like treating yourself and/or assuming you are healthy.
  18. Fear is the worst emotion that does damage that can be beyond repair but even worse it is kind of inevitable.
  19. Children aren’t born innocent, some have inherently malicious characters. (Scary right?)
  20. True love is something beyond money and body and it rarely exists simply because loving someone doesn’t mean they’ll love you back, you might have a lot of love and no one wants to receive it. Life hurts.
  21. Don’t believe everything you hear or read, think by yourself. ( These are my truths dont believe all of them)
  22. At the point you are about to create change you must feel a strong pressure.
  23. Friendship paradox( I have talked about it in my previous posts but it simply states that your friend is more likely to have more friends than you do).
  24. Optimistic people will always appreciate any idea or post they find helpful or refreshing.

While doing this list I have thought of other real things in life which I would like to share and let you figure them out.

(a). Do you actually know that we get stuck to people who take more from us than they give? Do you agree that they have valuable attention because they take it and never give therefore making us want to do it more cause we want to be consistent and be seen as such? Most of us live fulfilling expectations and consistency which is absurd. Try to be rational cause this is the only way to free yourself from manipulators.

(b) I know this sounds familiar but just a reminder why we should think deep and act it out. Do you know why we probably have the worst persons in the limelight? It is because they easily get a reason to do ‘it‘ and they act to their limited intellect unlike the smart ones who wouldn’t settle for less other than the perfect machine/tool ever available.Therefore those people that we see as best in certain things are actually not any better just that they are courageous in taking the right steps to do things.( Deep, right? I know, I know)

Enjoying #insomniacblueishlife? leave a mark to let me know you stopped by and/or you appreciate my war with the keyboard. Cheers!!

Miss Curiosity.

This week,

Growing up I have always and probably still believe in this sentence that ‘people make time for people they want to make time for( agreed) and ‘no one is too busy for those they care about (unsure)’, but I mostly get it from those that are hurt or nagging that’s why I kind of don’t agree in totality.

I’m exhausted, so exhausted, completely worn out I can’t even sit down so I opted for the floor. While here lying on my floor I just thought I could happily sell myself for some candies if that will make me disappear for some hours. I have had a very long week and it’s just Wednesday evening. I wish I could get the superpower I have always mentioned in those fun games I play ( The superpower to control time) I promise you all we would be on Friday evening right now.

How insane does it sound when some humans cannot actually understand you when you say you couldn’t or can’t make it for reasons best know to you? In short of late I have been very engaged to an extent I cannot make a to do list even in my mind. I just wake up to everything and go to bed I can’t remember how.

What I’m trying to say is that honestly I haven’t had time for anyone not because I don’t have people I value but because I haven’t had the time. I can easily describe my situation like I’m trying to breathe freely although I cant (wearing a mask the whole day is still a struggle to me).I have been so engaged and things are so tight on my end. I lost approach but I’m hoping to recollect myself soon enough so I don’t lose my mind too.

I should get some rest now after this little reminder. I value every single human and really appreciate every single moment I spend with people physically or virtually. I can’t wait to have a normal and settled life again.

Yours,

Miss curiosity.