Confusion

It’s not insomnia tonight, it’s more of confusion.

Thanks for stopping by my name is Miss Curiosity and I’m always on the keyboard expressing myself to myself and others. If you have noticed there are a little changes to my blog simply because I was trying to refocus my mind. Of late I have a thousand thoughts about a single thing and only two answers to each (positive and negative) hoping this was a positive one.

Been wondering, do you all jot down your to do lists every day before going to bed or my memory is too blunt to remember what I wanted to do the following day? or maybe to make it easier do you do plans on a weekly, monthly or daily basis? when plans change, do you remember to switch to the new plan or a lot is left pending after attending an impromptu agenda?

It’s quite a confusion for me. I haven’t been employed for some time now I have been running my businesses and it somehow has been freestyle because I am my own boss. It is also not a good thing cause I miss going to work for a whole week and everything seems okay leaving me thinking maybe I’m doing less of what I should be doing or my co-workers are super cool. Anyway the past one month I have been trying to work a little extra for my upcoming business and at the same time there is an opportunity for me in one of the statutory bodies which I have always wanted to work with so I have been chasing that too. I jot down my to do list and cancel it like thrice everyday. I’m at a point where I have to write down ‘4. Buy food for dinner‘ because I have literally slept hungry because I didn’t know my fridge only had ice cubes.

I sleep with a well written to do list only to wake up and change the whole plan just because someone left a message while going to bed at 3.00 AM and I’m the one in need here so I have to.

Is it worth it though?

I’m also having a dilemma, between the job, my current business and my upcoming business, which is more important? I honestly feel like at the end I’m going to sacrifice one, if not completely (at the moment) it will definitely be affected greatly. I’m so passionate about all and I feel so ‘selfish’ not accepting I’m one person trying everything at the same time which is kind of tough.

“What does overtime even mean?” I really need extra hours a day just to feel safe and ahead of my own capacity if that makes sense. Life can be overwhelming and 2020 seems not to care at all. Can you who used to tell me I’m a strong woman come and tell me it means I can be like three people in one person in terms of what I can do? Mmh! I’m always full of questions with no answers but don’t worry it’s exactly who I am that’s why I fight with my keyboard to an extent I type a whole post and delete or post and pull it down immediately.

I have just remembered I did this post ‘Are you too skeptical‘ and the whole point was I can defy all odds I only need hope and a little confidence in myself. If you haven’t read please click on the link below and check it out.

https://wwwruthogutu.design.blog/2020/07/09/are-you-too-skeptical/

It’s midnight my time goodnight, no insomnia today.

Liking my post is a mark that you came across it while on your busy and serious business online. let me know

cheers!