Tag: #misscuriosity

LIFE CARD I #20 things I have stopped doing in my life

  1. I should have moved out of this zone earlier but I have actually stopped thinking what people think about me.
  2. Stopped watching television basically because that bullshit is only in context to my country.
  3. Stopped procrastinating; this I did so recently, anything I really feel like I can do or I should try I do it ( I did a post earlier about procrastination if you haven’t checked here is the link https://wwwruthogutu.design.blog/2020/07/07/how-much-do-you-know-about-procrastination/ )
  4. I have no idea why people are on Facebook except for businesses. I left Facebook because there is nothing useful for me on this social site.
  5. I rarely read magazines or newspapers but when I do I stopped reading the entertainment pages they are useless.
  6. I stopped watching random videos on You tube I search for specific things to save time.
  7. Stopped comparing myself to others cause they kind of slow me down and steal my happiness.
  8. I stopped acting smart; You know what? I’m not smart enough that I know so I act my level.
  9. Tricky, but I stopped talking to strangers especially them that I meet online.
  10. I stopped being online for too long cause it gives me anxiety and depression
  11. I stopped trying to get a perfect life because there isn’t even one.
  12. I’m so proud of me on this,I stopped staying on my phone all the time especially when I’m with people.
  13. Expecting or idolizing people, I just learnt I am all I need in life every other person can let me down.
  14. Another great achievement even my Mom can attest I have been a sleepy head all my life but yeah! I stopped waking up late. I catch every sunlight and peace at the beginning of the day and yes this helps stop rushing life.
  15. Of late I’m so flexible at changing my thinking and career path cause I realized as I grow I change my mind, interests grow and also change my perceptions about things.
  16. I’m getting excited typing this, Finally I also stopped explaining myself to people. No excuses, apologies or worries and I’m not trying to grow rude.
  17. Listening to music 24/7; of late I listen to wind and silence.
  18. Trying to change people; if we connect that’s it. I deal with adults most time of my day so trying to change someone is hard, not worth it and ain’t gonna happen.
  19. I stopped giving people access to my mental health, my personal space and well being it’s my whole universe.
  20. I stopped being negative to small things they actually use a lot of my energy which is unnecessary.
  21. Did I say 20 things? one last one, I stopped stalking crushes, exes and lovers on social media after all you will see what they want you to see and it is absolutely not worth my time.

Check out for more life cards in my upcoming posts and thanks for stopping by. I will only notice you passed by or you appreciate my time on the keyboard if you leave a star. Cheers!!

Yours,

Miss Curiosity.

Confusion

It’s not insomnia tonight, it’s more of confusion.

Thanks for stopping by my name is Miss Curiosity and I’m always on the keyboard expressing myself to myself and others. If you have noticed there are a little changes to my blog simply because I was trying to refocus my mind. Of late I have a thousand thoughts about a single thing and only two answers to each (positive and negative) hoping this was a positive one.

Been wondering, do you all jot down your to do lists every day before going to bed or my memory is too blunt to remember what I wanted to do the following day? or maybe to make it easier do you do plans on a weekly, monthly or daily basis? when plans change, do you remember to switch to the new plan or a lot is left pending after attending an impromptu agenda?

It’s quite a confusion for me. I haven’t been employed for some time now I have been running my businesses and it somehow has been freestyle because I am my own boss. It is also not a good thing cause I miss going to work for a whole week and everything seems okay leaving me thinking maybe I’m doing less of what I should be doing or my co-workers are super cool. Anyway the past one month I have been trying to work a little extra for my upcoming business and at the same time there is an opportunity for me in one of the statutory bodies which I have always wanted to work with so I have been chasing that too. I jot down my to do list and cancel it like thrice everyday. I’m at a point where I have to write down ‘4. Buy food for dinner‘ because I have literally slept hungry because I didn’t know my fridge only had ice cubes.

I sleep with a well written to do list only to wake up and change the whole plan just because someone left a message while going to bed at 3.00 AM and I’m the one in need here so I have to.

Is it worth it though?

I’m also having a dilemma, between the job, my current business and my upcoming business, which is more important? I honestly feel like at the end I’m going to sacrifice one, if not completely (at the moment) it will definitely be affected greatly. I’m so passionate about all and I feel so ‘selfish’ not accepting I’m one person trying everything at the same time which is kind of tough.

“What does overtime even mean?” I really need extra hours a day just to feel safe and ahead of my own capacity if that makes sense. Life can be overwhelming and 2020 seems not to care at all. Can you who used to tell me I’m a strong woman come and tell me it means I can be like three people in one person in terms of what I can do? Mmh! I’m always full of questions with no answers but don’t worry it’s exactly who I am that’s why I fight with my keyboard to an extent I type a whole post and delete or post and pull it down immediately.

I have just remembered I did this post ‘Are you too skeptical‘ and the whole point was I can defy all odds I only need hope and a little confidence in myself. If you haven’t read please click on the link below and check it out.

https://wwwruthogutu.design.blog/2020/07/09/are-you-too-skeptical/

It’s midnight my time goodnight, no insomnia today.

Liking my post is a mark that you came across it while on your busy and serious business online. let me know

cheers!

Current situation 1

I am happy, really happy, super excited. Who doesn’t want the fulfillment of being responsible and in control.

That’s my current situation but guess what? Nothing is working out perfectly except that I am happy this time cause I feel in control Huh! Of late I’m walking head high kind of I know the final results and if I dont atleast I’m anticipating for the best.

Long story short, I’m smiling hard and I can’t wait to actually prove I’m right about this feeling. I even gave my myself a pep talk this morning and I was like yeah!!! Go! Go! Go! That’s it, that’s all you need, don’t lose it

BE HAPPY

Enough

I’d sell myself for a cheeseburger and a nap right now, that’s how much enough I have had the last 3 days. If you know me so well you definitely know I am insomniac and that shit isn’t fun at all. It’s my fourth day today and just how much did I sleep cumulatively? less than three hours in four days. Goodness! I just can’t calm down and I don’t know what’s going on. I have been on the move but I don’t know doing what exactly.

I feel like hibernating for a while this week. I have just worked for less an hour and my concentration left an hour ago I guess and I just feel like a zombie. I have been having panic attacks on and off and I feel like consulting the gods if I get an idea how to do it. I’m too anxious for, I don’t know what, something just happen anyhow I wont mind.

Anyways, I have been working on one of the things I have always wanted to do in life (call it one of my dreams) and unfortunately there are lots of uncertainties due to the pandemic (Covid 19) and it just sucks because I’m stuck and almost tired but I’m not giving up on that one unless I’m ready to die ( not anytime soon) and I cant wait to announce the move right here soon (smiles shyly). However, I’m tired of a number of things and I want to direct my wrath to them for the sake of my soul and some sleep tonight.

I’m so tired of explaining myself to both strangers and people I have known all my life. Leave me alone please. Enough of the inspection and follow ups on me please, I can no longer paint my little dimpled smile on my face. I have had enough of me trying to be neutral to all parties and being considerate of every situation and action from wicked and selfish people.

Enough of me not being enough to anything and constantly failing to meet all of their expectations. I’m almost tired of all the ‘perfect’ acts. I’m now ready for criticism, hate and all the shade they be throwing at people who have had enough.

Who am I answerable to? why am the one who carries the guilt where we both failed? Cant I correct my earlier mistake by quitting the project or calling it off with no explanations? Can I also have the freedom to choose another path when I realize the other one is headed in the wrong direction? I want to look back and see me Not a thousand faces covering every event and decisions I got to make.

I hate blame games and I actually decided to take responsibility of my every little actions and so far, so good. I can’t be sipping wine like whiskey just because I don’t have the right sitting posture and nothing looks interesting right now. I’m tired of typing too tonight. Someone help me hibernate and watch the earth at an angle because I need to come back and be me whatsoever. Ultimately I must do well and do good simultaneously.

I’M TIRED

cheers!!

Miss curiosity.

Perturbator 1

I am insomniac but I didn’t sleep last night this time not the normal insomnia but because something has been disturbing my mind the whole night. I had a meeting yesterday very early in the morning and at around mid day my colleagues suggested we visit some places since the day was still young and we didn’t have a lot to do. We happened to pass by some valley which is one and half hours away from my home town in the neighboring county. At first I thought there was some nice game or maybe something like magicians performing because of the cheers and laughter that took charge of the crowd.

Damn! I didn’t see that see coming and ostensibly this is something that has been going on for quite sometime now but to me it is unbelievable and so damn risky to even think about. There was a couple of young men who with some instructions were jumping off a bridge and some very scary cliff (kind of bungee jumping thing) into murky waters with scary rocks on both sides. It’s been raining heavily of late and the valley was filled with furious water making a lot of noise as it streamed down. What scared me more is the fact that those guys weren’t in any protective gears and the place is said to have crocodiles not forgetting the rocks and logs of trees. Once they jumped into the water they didn’t have a proper exit, they struggled their way out and it took about five minutes to see the person emerge from the water.

I almost went numb during and after the experience and I was left with a thousand questions and only one possible answer as much I don’t want to ignore the fact that I fear heights.

Are those guys trained to perform such a risk? how is the training? I mean,, how ready should I be to do it for the first time?

Do they actually know the risk involved? if yes do they really care?

Is it legal or accepted by the society in any way? are there set rules or guidelines for those guys performing?

How much do they earn daily or monthly and is it worth it?

Is that a talent, interest, dare or something scary in peoples bucket lists?

The videos kept replaying in my mind so vividly that I’m almost convinced I should go back once I’m over it to get all these answers from the men themselves ( apparently I didn’t see any lady performing and I hope it doesn’t happen). Could this be a desperate act due to lack of jobs and income sources to the youth? My questions continues. With the current economic status in the country where I live a lot is going on especially among the youth. Most of us are forced to do jobs that we don’t even support the thought of doing it just for survival. and this could be it. As I was talking to my friend over phone last night I couldn’t help but share the experience. Calming thing is that he had also had a chance to see it late last year and wasn’t scared as much as I was but was equally worried.

Could people be living for today? Is the economy so bad that risk and life don’t fit in once sentence anymore? Is that the courage I’m maybe needed to have to conquer some things on this planet?

I don’t know and really don’t care about the general feeling of the public but fuck bravery, fame and money if you’ll have to keep on trying to die a number of times each day. It is not worth it I promise. At my age I have learnt a lot including risk taking but I believe life is all about having the hope and a reason to wake up tomorrow. Share your thoughts.

Yours,

Misscuriosity.