Perfect date

When two people engage in various things for purposes of finding possibility of being intimate partners thereafter they normally describe the situation as dating. Which leaves me thinking what about those who do the same things without a purpose, is it still dating?

It starts with attraction in dating but on the other hand some people go on dates to eat, explore new places and activities, and sometimes to pass time when they have plenty of it.

It takes time for relationships to develop intimacy and form bonds before individuals decide to commit because dating basically lacks commitment, but sometimes, these human creatures instantly decide to “commit” because they can see a bright future in that relationship. I mean, it’s never dull having expensive treats, travelling opportunities, food from different cultures, precious gifts, a lot of sex and money. Don’t ask me what eyes they are using all I know is that a guy once told me he only had eyes for me on our first date.

Men and girls usually have this sweet ideas about their first dates and how they’d like subsequent dates done. I know you know what I mean right? My most classical one is movies and drinks because that doesn’t require me to dress up, pick a venue, select some activities that are supposed to be interesting or even leave the house. ‘How convenient! Come on miss’, what amuses you anymore in amusement parks, what coffee haven’t you had, what’s interesting in eating at a restaurant and staring at some decor that is not of your choice? Why is someone going to select some playlist at our game night that we both don’t know or even like?

My mentor told me drinks make you loosey-goosey and you won’t maintain the first impression you intend or ought to make. Movies will make you waste hours with a rando that you might actually end up hating because most likely they’ll keep talking especially whilst on the most heated parts of the movie. Some will be making strange eye contact because they’re trying to balance between watching and mastering your face.

My friend told me she went on a date last year just to see what the guy would pull on a first date not because she really wanted to know him. She complained about the soup, talked about her trashy exes, said she doesn’t like kids and kept showing him videos of the favourite moments she has documented over time . Yes, I was at their engagement party last Friday. He definitely had eyes for her alone if this eyes thing is a thing.

I grew up reading and hearing about the do’s and don’ts on first dates, cute ideas for dates, list of fun things to consider on dates, mistakes that can horribly spoil your date and those many well researched ideas you have in your head about a perfect date. I went for several dates in my early twenties having all these information actively at the back of my mind unsuccessfully until I met my perfect date who did not fit any of the many sentences I have typed.

I didn’t even have a first date. We were good weird friends who with time found meaningful and absolutely amazing reasons to give ourselves a chance to engage in a romantic relationship. One year down the line I lacked reasons as to why it couldn’t be a YES.

A perfect date shouldn’t be defined in any particular way in my opinion.
There is no formula or list that one must check to turn a date into a relationship.
First impression does not always matter. I mean, doctors have told you your patient is in bad condition and might not make it but they’re still around right? Maybe it matters in an interview because those guys are there to judge you not to know you.
The stages of dating don’t have to be as you know.

Is summary, all I’m saying is don’t ‘date‘ it’s not even a thing. Sit at home and wait for your partner to come ready to marry you. I’m tired of confusing you when you already working so hard to run away from the single life and the message is home.

All the best love seekers.

Thank you for dropping by.

Seriously F*ck You

I want to curse and reject the spirit of caring too much because it’s costing me way too much. It’s turning me to an angry adult and it’s totally against the resolutions I made when I became one.

I’m a nice person, I have a good heart, I’m so full of love and I spend most of my time and energy putting smiles of peoples faces. I mean TLC perfectly fits a description of me but somehow I’m convinced it’s not the best thing.

I’m literally giving away my peace, emotional stability, mental health, appetite, energy, concentration, a smile, sleep and money while all I’m getting is emotional damage, anxiety, regrets and trauma.

Some things will turn me into a mental case or awaken the psycho in me if I keep caring too much about everything. I know I am an overthinker but I’m consciously choosing to watch some things just fall apart if they have to for my well being.

I’ve been sad and angry for over a week now for the same reason. I have been craving to break a few bones because that’s the only way I could be happy but that’s not who I am, not what I do, not what I’d allow myself to engage in so I choose me over everything and everyone else.

Always remember to say several F*cks if you feel like I do. Just realised it helps a lot

Adios!

Awwn..

Do I still know how to type? I hope I have been very busy on serious things that obviously couldn’t be about me because that wasn’t a break, seemed a holiday.

Such a beautiful day it is. Referring to both yesterday and today and if tommorow wishes to join still so welcome. I love this kind of days where I get to feel important, loved, cared for and motivated to do better and do good simultaneously. Yeah!

I received a message from a Courier that I have a parcel to collect today while at work. I wasn’t expecting any parcel so I got curious and rushed to collect it after work. Damn!! it’s from Some strange name. I’m so anxious at this time so I tear the gift box. There’s some lipstick, face cream and a sweater. I hardly receive gifts via couriers but I start to imagine among my inner circle who could be working this extra hard using a strange name and non-existent contact details because I called the phone number and it was out of service. To my not a surprise sure it wasn’t none of them.

I couldnt help it but express how good this feels to me. So there is this page that I follow on LinkedIn in Called ‘The Female lead” which basically is an educational charity platform that makes women stories more visible to inspire ambition and confidence to other women.

I commented on a particular post (pulled it down today) and some lady(Mrs Y) started a chat right on my comment. The conversation kept going till she decided to DM me (sounds funny right?) and months later she was still on my case. It felt odd to me and decided not to snob her just to see what comes up because she was all about the cost of not believing in yourself and that somehow is so relatable to me. At that point it didn’t even hit me we were doing something common and I never bothered to check her profile.

Apparently she is a Norwegian who happened to be among the support team to my previous role at the company I worked for. I don’t know how this happened, we exchanged a couple of messages (still with doubts) and we started communicating like friends just checking on each other once in a while ( From where I come from we don’t trust strangers. Worse, people we meet online).

Few hours later a former colleague calls and asks if I received the parcel. Long story short, Mrs Y happened to be around my City last week and left me the gift through him. Strange enough we have never exchanged mobile numbers and she thought I was still at the Company because I’m those people who don’t update their work experience cause apparently I’m still at the previous job according to my profile (not funny).

I don’t know what the right expression should be but this is crazy and so sweet at the same time I wish I could meet her in person cause she is out of the normal and I can’t think of anything good she liked about me that made her think of gifting me. I’m so humbled and still in disbelief (don’t judge me I’m not used to this) by her gesture. I’m moved to start randomly putting smiles on peoples faces even those that I don’t Know by doing some little acts of love, kindness and appreciation.

I always treasure gifts especially those that I’m gifted for no specific reason, they sweep me off my feet. I would be looking at them everyday and feel the same excitement and love that I felt the very day I was gifted.

How do I end the post huh! Thank you so much Mrs Y I don’t know why we even got to know each other but I can only hope I do such a beautiful thing to someone if not to you.

Awwwwwn!!!

Miss curiosity

GRIEF

I choose to define grief as a love that never leaves.

When God thought of a mother

By Henry Ward Beecher

When God thought of mother,

He must have laughed with satisfaction,

and framed it quickly-

so rich, so deep, so divine,

so full of soul, power and beauty,

was the conception.

I LOST MY MOTHER, I’m in pain.

These are words I have struggled a lot to let out of my mouth each time I’m forced to explain by situations. It’s been a couple months since I last heard from her and the feeling has never been less painful. The thought of it drives me crazy and I can’t hold my tears whenever I’m alone and I’m filled with the memories. I lost my loved mother due to cardiomyopathy and I don’t know how to recover. You’ve probably read about the five stages of grieving if you have lost a loved one or something you held close to your heart, and painfully, I sometimes want to wish I’m at the acceptance stage but no I’m more likely at the depression stage because the only times I have accepted she is gone for good is when I visit home and she is not the one saying the evening prayer or dad alone happens to be the one seeing me off.

I have never known a life without a mother. I wish I even took time with those whose mothers had departed earlier to have an image of what it felt like, because I have had the most fear, loneliness, panic, pain, anxiety and feelings of emptiness since that fateful day. I have gone back and forth about her last day and hours but I’m always not ready to recount the events as they occurred. The screaming from my sisters who conveyed the message to me, as I was very unlucky to be present in her last hours is still haunting me to date. I’ve had nightmares and sleeplessness from those very broken voices but I can only hope that at some point I’ll feel different about it.

My life was completely shuttered for a while. I wanted to curse someone or hold the God she believed in accountable for causing us all pain and more especially her. I got a clear visual meaning of life is vanity and not worth a lot of the effort and struggles we push ourselves to go through only to die. It hurts more that it happened so fast that even before the doctors figured out how to help she had already had her last breath. I want to describe my mother as a bouquet of the most colorful, strong and perfectly scented flowers that brought joy, peace, calm and healing anytime of the day you had a glance at them. Unfortunately, they dried up in the sun within very few hours and it’s been gloomy, dark, restless and unbearable around this vase. She was a floral bouquet I will always try to remake even though it wont turn out the same. I will always have her last photos and videos replaying in my mind all the time even though I have not still gathered the courage to view them physically. I will always cherish every single moment we shared because that is the most beautiful part of my life.

I would do a book if I was to talk about Francisca (we sometimes called her by her name just to play around with her) but in a nutshell Mama played a very big role in the society as an educator and a great humanitarian. Her acts of service will live in many peoples hearts and that brings me joy knowing she served her purpose. I believe there is no lapse of time or formula for grieving so I’m taking a day at a time and taking care of myself mentally hoping to be somewhere safe in future.

I wouldn’t end this blog without appreciating the presence of friends and kind hearted people in my life. I don’t take any one of them for granted and I’m forever indebted and will always be available for anyone who needs me as long as I can. Wholeheartedly, I appreciate all the encouraging messages and comforting calls you made, the visits and any other forms of love and support I received. This calls for acceptance and working on healing and living with the bitter truth healthily even if I never move on.

Cheers,

If you need to hear something nice, here it is; you are doing absolutely great hold on, you are just right about there.

Miss Curiosity

I’M BACK

It’s been a year since I last posted something here. I was on this roller-coaster called life, I was confused and at the verge of losing myself which called for a decision to pause writing and quit social media for a while. I’ve had my fair share and now I’m ready to accept, change or move on. I’m grateful to the universe for showing me all the pages although the flipping speed is too high, I have treasures I managed to pick and save for me.

Thank you to everyone who checked in on me the entire time. I’m back much better, more wise and determined. Can’t wait to read all your posts.

Cheers,

If you need to hear something nice, here it is; you are doing absolutely great hold on, you are just right about there.

Miss Curiosity

Secrets to being beautiful

I’ve come across a lot of people who don’t feel beautiful enough and to be honest it bothers me knowing very well I always feel like the Prettiest being existing in the era. I’m taking the chance to appreciate every person who has made another person feel adorable bacause that’s beautiful and so considerate of you. THANK YOU.

I’m also hoping you didn’t find this blog because you felt less beautiful but just wasn’t sure what should make you feel beautiful and I just happened to mention less than eight aspects to confirm your fears.

Smile; There is nothing pretty than your smile and that’s it, just smile . Do it more often and do it all the time

Love; Awwwn!! Who can even describe the feeling? Unless you’ve never fallen in love you should definitely recognise the beauty of being in love or just think about that special feeling you have for your mum.

Appreciate and be grateful ; Just ‘thank you’ is a whole beauty. All people who show that they’re grateful in anything are damn adorable and YES beautiful indeed.

Etiquette; Do I even need to remind humans that etiquette is a must tool for coexistence? You’re so pretty if you always and easily utter the ‘thank you’, ‘please’, ‘may I’, ‘excuse’ and those kind of words whenever you have interactions with fellow humans.

Be natural. Yes please be natural. Stop faking accents, smiles, voices or laughing at things that ain’t funny to you. Should be easier understanding when I put it like ‘be you?’ Thank you, everybody is damn pretty in their own versions and get it right that it sounds absurd and boring when you’re trying to duplicate someone else huh! We already have the original version and you know how it feels obvious redoing something.

Showering more than once in a day is pretty much an achievement and a luxury to most of us. You’re obviously more comfortable when you’re fresh and smelling some sweet body cologne, so why not? Invest in this you’ll not regret anytime soon.

Wear comfy clothes and shoes no matter how they look. I have to emphasise that oversize clothes don’t mean you’re looking funny or careless neither do exposing outfits mean you’re showing off and yes highlighting your beauty spots don’t mean you want attention.You’re absolutely right and right on track wearing anything that you feel free and comfortable in so do exactly that because it’s the Prettiest and easy thing to do.

Relax! you are damn beautiful! So far at my age I haven’t read an article or a book which describes beauty in some specific way and so I’m confident saying everyone is beautiful and yes YOU are beautiful why don’t you just relax enjoy or maybe explore the beauty within you.

Sleep is such a luxury -an insomniac explains

“The creak of bed springs suffering under the weight of a restless man is as lonely a sound as I know.”
― Patrick deWitt,

You all go to bed when it’s time to sleep and fall asleep. Easy right? what a fictional love story that would make for someone who has forgotten how to sleep.

My mind works the night shifts and I just came to terms that the monsters live in my head and not under my bed or in my house. After turning, tossing and flopping for over a year I created a pattern that I’m always trying to break unsuccessfully.

I’d have better blogged this from the professional point of view if only I had tried it but I’m yet to accept that I can’t discuss with my mind and agree about sleeping. It’s the same reason I stopped taking my pills. I am insomniac that’s for sure and I’d like to enjoy your company tonight as we walk through my night.

There is nostalgia at around 10:00 pm because I’m normally so tired from the day’s activities and the thought of tomorrow’s is also clicking in so I really wish I was 11 so I could just put off the lights and the next thing I’ll see is the morning sun rays.

10:30 pm. Yes there is hope and chance clearly because my eyelids are so heavy I’m just missing someone to hold onto maybe. So I walk to bed, set an alarm, get under the sheets, take a deep breathe, close my eyes and sleep? No, I start my night shift.

11:00 pm. I turn, cover myself properly again and assume I’m falling asleep.

I can clearly hear people talking and vehicles moving outside of the apartment where I live at 11:15 Pm so I’m still up. I open my eyes to see how much darkness is in my room or if I should consider buying thicker curtains because the light in here could be the reason I’m awake.

11:45 pm. I start meditating. They said it is important to meditate before falling asleep. I somehow love this part because hey! after my normal and real life events and situations, I visit countries, beautiful places with the most interesting sceneries, I start successful projects and businesses and sometimes I lose it all, I become this influential beautiful lady in the world. I haven’t witnessed this big beautiful wedding before, I mean, I was such a princess and I married this one mysterious guy who got everyone talking about us. I also walk through a forest full of dinosaurs, chimpanzees, warthogs and snakes which has no end. I get lost into a desert full of sand dunes that I cant open my eyes so I keep walking for thousands of miles and the next event is that I’m drowning and there is no one to help me. ‘What the hell is this’? I yell at my mind and oh! my eyes have been open clearly that wasn’t dreaming. I have just wasted over an hour thinking I can’t explain what.

1:00 pm It is, seems I’m not going to sleep tonight again. I get hold of my phone, go through my social apps and it is always disappointing because I’m always updated there is nothing new. Professionals warn us against using mobile phones an hour before bed maybe that’s why I don’t sleep because I can only not use it once I’m in bed and worse I have just used it at midnight. ‘I will rectify this’ says the frustrated me as I scroll the phone and open my samsung health app; mindfulness and play a sleep story.

1:15 pm I’m not even following I lost concentration immediately Tamara Levitt ( favourite calm stories narrator) said ‘take a deep breathe, relax and feel your bed’. I’m now fighting to sleep I’m not in the mood to soothe my bed because If I fail at this trick that I’m thinking, all is lost. I’m about 4 hours away from the time I wake up.

2:00 pm. Loneliness clicks in, the bed is now cold and I’m also hungry I haven’t eaten since yesterday you know. I tiptoe and grab a snack or warm tea so I dont freeze and fail to sleep (There is some little hope left in me).

2:45 pm. At this point my bones are aching I feel a little headache and I can possibly feel the shape of my skeleton.I am in deep trouble but to avoid thinking I grab a book. Oh! I love reading but definitely not at this hour. The usual questions follow; why me? why most days? what did I do to deserve this? I thought sleep is a reflex and needs to happen effortlessly so why am I working for it? Anyway I read 3 pages and it’s actually interesting before I start overthinking like why does ‘a fat chance’ and a ‘slim chance’ mean the same thing. Why would Russians say “It isn’t sleeping to me instead of “I can’t sleep”? I obviously don’t have the answers.

3:35 pm. I check the time and just close my eyes to rest as I wait for my alarm because it’s sure going off in two hours and a few minutes to come. I’m in terms with the fact that this was just another night like the many gone nights and I’m ready to write it off,

5:58 pm. Two minutes before my alarm goes off I’m up and I cant remember what happened since the last time I checked time and hope I was asleep then. That’s kind of satisfying and I can face my day hoping for a better night next time.

Whether sleep onset insomnia or sleep maintenance insomnia, insomnia is a special kind of torture which you can only hope that the vicious circle is cut some someday.

Thanks for stopping by

INSOMNIACBLUEISHLIFE it is.

Please Cry

While society callously considers shedding tears to be a sign of weakness, it is my sign of acknowledging the experiences and showing highly evolved behaviours. I miss crying. It’s been two days and I’m worried something unusual must be happening to me. Call me a cry baby I could be one and I cry for no particular reasons sometimes

I understand most people cry to express sorrow and frustration but here I am and thanks for stopping by to meet #MissCuriosity who cries to express almost all emotions.

From my journey on the internet streets search I learnt that from when one is born, crying is an attachment behaviour and so now you know how to get attached to me right? Go ahead have a good cry darling let’s do this.

I’m a very joyous person if I could evaluate myself and laughing is one of my habits. (So you don’t think I’m depressed) No, crying actually prevents depression. I laugh untill I cry.

Why I’m recruiting you into this cry team;

If you’re feeling blue, crying is a way to let those around you know you’re in need of support.

It is the fastest way to move on and be happy. Simply cry if someone or something messes up with your feelings. Easy!! You are happy now.

It keeps people closer. If you’re feeling like your partner wants to quit the relationship hug and hold them close. Cry letting those tears drop on their shoulders and don’t thank me, pay me please. No man will walk with stains of tears on their shirts and that’s it he isn’t going anywhere. Yes you won sis🙂.

Crying in response to something that makes you happy is also very important because it helps your body relax and feel the connection to the event or thing.

It helps detoxify the body, self soothe and improves sleep. A tip it should be.

‘cry before bed each day for a goodnight rest’ ~ INSOMNIACBLUEISHLIFE

It dulls pain, relieves stress, calms you down and improves your mood by releasing hormone oxytocin which is a feel good hormone.

Lowers your blood pressure and pulse rate allowing you to embrace your emotions and humanity as it serves as a social function.

The next time you don’t have a reason to cry just cry for the well being of your body and mind. It’s therapeutic. Don’t shy from shedding tears if you feel the need to release some.

NO ONE: I believe that a womans crying is so powerful to get a man to do the things you want him to do that arguing will never accomplish.

#INSOMNIACBLUEISHLIFE:😭😭 (Starts crying)

Have a good cry. #staysafe and #stayhealthy. Cheers!!

Born Out of Curiosity?

I missed you all.

“She is all class”.I took my free time this week to read Notorious RBG: The Life and Times of Ruth Bader Ginsburg by Irin Carmon & Shana Knizhnik. I’m not an American nor a feminist but I’m celebrating this very adorable woman who passed away due to complications from metastatic pancreas cancer. She is a whole written beautiful history because of what she accomplished in her life and what she stood for and I couldn’t afford not to say May she rest in peace.

Photo by a poor photographer #Miss Curiosity.

Sorry for the poor quality photo I didn’t know I was gonna use it. Hoping the rest are better now that I got them from the internet.

📷 Like what you see?

🔍This place is so dry…..

🔎One sand dune is pretty much like the other sand dune right?

My desktop at work displayed this questions on the screen I guess by the set wallpaper today morning when I arrived.

I was a bit late and needed to get down to business immediately but they captured my attention and for some minutes I tried to answer them.

Like what you see? YES, Absolutely (1) I have beautiful and amazing colleagues, (2) my desk is clean, well arranged and beautifully lighted with a view, (3) I love sand dune pictures and this on the screen is beautiful,(4) Being a Friday everyone is wearing a smile and they’re casually dressed. I’m seeing a lot of stylish clothes and clothing brands represented and Yes (5) I just saw less documents to sort out today.

This place is so dry… Absolutely, If you know me then you know I love plants, wall paintings/ art and or decorations. Sad that there is none at my work place and it is so ‘dry’. Only one house plant at the reception. We have a few trees outside with some grass which cannot be maintained for obvias reasons; people are allowed to step on it and these are public offices. Most part of the compound is also concrete floored.

I cannot forget to mention how more dry it is when the water dispenser in our office ran dry on Tuesday and it hasn’t been refilled three days later. I just noticed all of us in that office drink a lot of water. By 12 Noon our water bottles are empty and we are all walking into different office spaces in search of water. These three days have been such a ‘dry season’ for us.

One sand dune is pretty much like the other sand dune right? Damn right! If my Geography teacher did a good job these eye-catching land masses are only formed if certain conditions are met and every sand dune is formed as a result of the interaction between the wind and soil in the form of sand grains. Right? Right. Miss Y is actually smiling right back because it’s tea time and we are almost half the day😉😉. How sweet ending the week this week!

Liking #INSOMNIACBLUEISHLIFE? 😉 Thank you.

Cheers!!

PERSON-AH!!-LITIES

I specifically want to point out these three types of humans. A’aght? “Judy did you just make faces”? I know, I know it’s totally unpleasant to have them around but they’re always there in our everyday lives.

So some human somewhere cannot accept facts, they deny and write off everything as nothing just to stay on their own track. They constantly mock,make fun of and look down upon peoples features and or talents. The insecure person

There is this one that had the universe lose direction and is now completely orbiting around them. The self-centered human creatures will think everything is wrong with everyone else and the world in general. For ‘consideration’s sake’ if that exists Would you stop and consider maybe you might be wrong in how you feel or think? No, the world will come to a stop or slip off the orbit (thinks the human).

Oh! Hello the masterminds of deception? You always get away with it right? right. I mean, this human is so ‘respectable’ as they present themselves, but the real thing is they are sly and cunning. The self presentation is usually a facade to make you confortable but they have a ‘plan’. The manipulative person does something nice for someone but uses it against them later on.

They just get in for them and them alone either by the ‘foot-in the door’ or ‘door-in the face’ technique. Either has to work.

NO ONE:Everyone has a toxic trait which sometimes becomes their personalities if overlooked.

#INSOMNIACBLUEISHLIFE: Is it? Where are you from? who raised you? Cut that crap out. There is zero excuses for toxic characters.

It’s a free, social world and having some sense of humanity is very crucial I promise.

Cheers,

If you need to hear something nice here it is; you are doing absolutely great hold on, you are just right about there.

Miss Curiosity