Tag: #love

Marriage Advice

If I was a marriage counselor

Is the goal of being married happiness? I guess yes. Are you working for your relationship or is the relationship working? Are you loving together or living together? Is your partner supposed to elevate you, push you to become better or just complement you? I will not forget to ask if we are changing for our relationships or we are staying true to ourselves, Joe.

Marriage ends in divorce if it doesn’t last. Fact. The nature of marriage is that you are supposed to say yes and maintain the decision before you get handed over the list of the things you said yes to. Worse, you’re made to say vows that will confine you in that bullshit incase you think otherwise when you find out it’s actually one.

Seven out of ten marriages fail and couples still hope they’re among the three yet everything they do is just like what the rest are doing. Leaves me wondering why people are still getting married anyway.

A Kenyan afro-pop band by the name Sautisol in one of their hit songs said that, in a world where women are looking for men who have emotion, it’s easy to meet men who have a lot of money instead. While women get away with good physique at the expense of character. What are the odds that you will get the right person with the right qualities?

There is a man somewhere who cannot handle their personal care such as hygiene, grooming, orderliness, cleanliness or even tracking of time in a day but they think they are ready to get married and ridiculously have kids. No, you need superpowers as his wife to babysit him and the kids or else the marriage will become a foreign concept to you.

Most weddings I attend look like it cost my whole year budget or more. One of the most important skills we all need in life is the ability to manage yourself financially. I’m just figuring out if I’d fit in the bracket if I’m going to spend my three years savings in a day to feed people and pay for decor. In short, weddings are expensive and if you’re not rich it might do you more harm than good. Let’s not even talk about the cost of building homes and daily expenditure to raise a family. Why would you hate being single anymore?

Communicate respectfully until you’re no longer taken seriously. Then you can just become the disrespecter of disrespect like you ought to.

Never invalidate one another in marriage. It changes how they feel about themselves and inturn how they feel about you. Move on from arguments or if possible just never argue. If you can’t do this move on.

A partner is reliable if they can come through for you at all times in everything. Period. It’s your duty to make your partner feel safe and secure. As a man if you don’t hit the gym don’t get married cause how will you beat men who are after your woman? As a woman if you don’t stock your fridge with food stay single. No man is staying in a house without food. It’s scary sis.

Compromise and never give up. Isn’t this what old couples told you on your wedding day? I’m willing to understand to what extent and or where we draw the line or it’s literally a no go zone even if you’re burning and everything is shitty in your marriage.

Assume the best of one another and remember your commitment, is one thing I totally agree with until your S/O stops doing the same.

It’s often said that marriage is a scam but you choose to believe they married the wrong person and with your right person, you will be among the three out of ten marriages. However, just to be safe, in your vows please remember to say yes till disrespect sets in and or I no longer feel safe.

But I am not a marriage counselor

Best of luck.

Perfect date

Photo from Pinterest

When two people engage in various things for purposes of finding possibility of being intimate partners thereafter they normally describe the situation as dating. Which leaves me thinking what about those who do the same things without a purpose, is it still dating?

It starts with attraction in dating but on the other hand some people go on dates to eat, explore new places and activities, and sometimes to pass time when they have plenty of it.

It takes time for relationships to develop intimacy and form bonds before individuals decide to commit because dating basically lacks commitment, but sometimes, these human creatures instantly decide to “commit” because they can see a bright future in that relationship. I mean, it’s never dull having expensive treats, travelling opportunities, food from different cultures, precious gifts, a lot of sex and money. Don’t ask me what eyes they are using all I know is that a guy once told me he only had eyes for me on our first date.

Men and girls usually have this sweet ideas about their first dates and how they’d like subsequent dates done. I know you know what I mean right? My most classical one is movies and drinks because that doesn’t require me to dress up, pick a venue, select some activities that are supposed to be interesting or even leave the house. ‘How convenient! Come on miss’, what amuses you anymore in amusement parks, what coffee haven’t you had, what’s interesting in eating at a restaurant and staring at some decor that is not of your choice? Why is someone going to select some playlist at our game night that we both don’t know or even like?

My mentor told me drinks make you loosey-goosey and you won’t maintain the first impression you intend or ought to make. Movies will make you waste hours with a rando that you might actually end up hating because most likely they’ll keep talking especially whilst on the most heated parts of the movie. Some will be making strange eye contact because they’re trying to balance between watching and mastering your face.

My friend told me she went on a date last year just to see what the guy would pull on a first date not because she really wanted to know him. She complained about the soup, talked about her trashy exes, said she doesn’t like kids and kept showing him videos of the favourite moments she has documented over time . Yes, I was at their engagement party last Friday. He definitely had eyes for her alone if this eyes thing is a thing.

I grew up reading and hearing about the do’s and don’ts on first dates, cute ideas for dates, list of fun things to consider on dates, mistakes that can horribly spoil your date and those many well researched ideas you have in your head about a perfect date. I went for several dates in my early twenties having all these information actively at the back of my mind unsuccessfully until I met my perfect date who did not fit any of the many sentences I have typed.

I didn’t even have a first date. We were good weird friends who with time found meaningful and absolutely amazing reasons to give ourselves a chance to engage in a romantic relationship. One year down the line I lacked reasons as to why it couldn’t be a YES.

  • A perfect date shouldn’t be defined in any particular way in my opinion.
  • There is no formula or list that one must check to turn a date into a relationship.
  • First impression does not always matter. I mean, doctors have told you your patient is in bad condition and might not make it but they’re still around right? Maybe it matters in an interview because those guys are there to judge you not to know you.
  • The stages of dating don’t have to be as you know.

Is summary, all I’m saying is don’t ‘date‘ it’s not even a thing. Sit at home and wait for your partner to come ready to marry you. I’m tired of confusing you when you already working so hard to run away from the single life and the message is home.

All the best love seekers.

Thank you for dropping by.

Awwn..

Do I still know how to type? I hope I have been very busy on serious things that obviously couldn’t be about me because that wasn’t a break, seemed a holiday.

Such a beautiful day it is. Referring to both yesterday and today and if tommorow wishes to join still so welcome. I love this kind of days where I get to feel important, loved, cared for and motivated to do better and do good simultaneously. Yeah!

I received a message from a Courier that I have a parcel to collect today while at work. I wasn’t expecting any parcel so I got curious and rushed to collect it after work. Damn!! it’s from Some strange name. I’m so anxious at this time so I tear the gift box. There’s some lipstick, face cream and a sweater. I hardly receive gifts via couriers but I start to imagine among my inner circle who could be working this extra hard using a strange name and non-existent contact details because I called the phone number and it was out of service. To my not a surprise sure it wasn’t none of them.

I couldnt help it but express how good this feels to me. So there is this page that I follow on LinkedIn in Called ‘The Female lead” which basically is an educational charity platform that makes women stories more visible to inspire ambition and confidence to other women.

I commented on a particular post (pulled it down today) and some lady(Mrs Y) started a chat right on my comment. The conversation kept going till she decided to DM me (sounds funny right?) and months later she was still on my case. It felt odd to me and decided not to snob her just to see what comes up because she was all about the cost of not believing in yourself and that somehow is so relatable to me. At that point it didn’t even hit me we were doing something common and I never bothered to check her profile.

Apparently she is a Norwegian who happened to be among the support team to my previous role at the company I worked for. I don’t know how this happened, we exchanged a couple of messages (still with doubts) and we started communicating like friends just checking on each other once in a while ( From where I come from we don’t trust strangers. Worse, people we meet online).

Few hours later a former colleague calls and asks if I received the parcel. Long story short, Mrs Y happened to be around my City last week and left me the gift through him. Strange enough we have never exchanged mobile numbers and she thought I was still at the Company because I’m those people who don’t update their work experience cause apparently I’m still at the previous job according to my profile (not funny).

I don’t know what the right expression should be but this is crazy and so sweet at the same time I wish I could meet her in person cause she is out of the normal and I can’t think of anything good she liked about me that made her think of gifting me. I’m so humbled and still in disbelief (don’t judge me I’m not used to this) by her gesture. I’m moved to start randomly putting smiles on peoples faces even those that I don’t Know by doing some little acts of love, kindness and appreciation.

I always treasure gifts especially those that I’m gifted for no specific reason, they sweep me off my feet. I would be looking at them everyday and feel the same excitement and love that I felt the very day I was gifted.

How do I end the post huh! Thank you so much Mrs Y I don’t know why we even got to know each other but I can only hope I do such a beautiful thing to someone if not to you.

Awwwwwn!!!

Miss curiosity